some sad news.

Nick and I had to say goodbye to little King Tut this morning. He had been sick for two weeks with a rare, terminal, incurable disease called FIP which hits quickly and causes a lot of suffering. We brought him home from the vet last Tuesday with the bad news and have tried to make him as comfortable as possible, but he hit the point of no return yesterday. We had decided that the most important thing was to not make him suffer and we knew that he had reached a point of 100% discomfort and misery. 

This morning we did the impossible, packing up his stuff and hauling him out of the apartment in his crate, knowing he would never be back. I am still reeling from the speediness with which we have had to process all of this and the unfairness of it all. We only had Tut for nine months, but it was just enough for him to burrow a place deep into our hearts in a way that will be hard to mend. 

I keep thinking to myself that it felt silly the past few days to cancel plans and avoid social opportunities  because we needed to spend time with our dying cat. And the thing is, some people probably do think that. There are two kinds of people: those who are deep animal lovers, and those who are not. Nick and I both stem from animal-loving parents who have instilled this tender nature in us. Those who know what it is like to truly love a pet know that to lose one can crush your heart just as badly, make you cry just as much. 

It's been such a crazy, emotional roller coaster of a year. In just twelve months, I have completed graduate school, gotten my first teaching job, experienced the loss of my father, gotten engaged to my favorite person, and now he and I have lost little Tut too. I ask myself what the meaning of such drastic life experiences could be but there isn't one. This is life. A roller coaster of emotions and experiences. So, I'm trying to remember to just keep breathing, to remember that there will be more bad things in the future but there will also be so many good things. This is just another bump in the road, as much as it hurts. But I wouldn't have traded our time with him for anything.