brrrrrrrr...

MARIN HAS SNOW! And I don't mean oh-it-snowed-for-a-few-minutes-but-now-there's-no-evidence... I mean, the snow is sticking big time. At least on the mountain tops anyway. Oddly, Mt. Tam doesn't have any but these mountains in Novato do. I took these pictures after I left a doctor's appointment right by the Vintage Oaks shopping center.

Looks like my dream of combining Vermont and California into one big happy place are finally coming true! ;)

settled.

I can't help but laugh as I read my last entry about finding Vermont people all the way out here in California.

Last week, our friend Emily was in town visiting her brother and we all met up in the city and had fun.

Tonight, Nick and I are having dinner with one of his dear friends from Albany who also went to UVM. She is visiting their high school friend Jenny who Nick never would have known was here until he walked out of work and she happened to drive by right at that second. Turns out she lives ten minutes away from us.

Tomorrow, Bryan visits for the week before another ridiculously large group of UVM people fly out here from Burlington, Chicago, Boulder, Portland, and more to attend the Phish festival over Halloween weekend.

Three days later, Adam and Maggie visit.

A week later, Molly visits.

Is this really my life? Is there or is there not a vast piece of land between San Francisco and Burlington? I chuckle now at the fact that I wept and cried at leaving Vermont, thinking life would never be the same. Of course, it won't ever be like it was, but who would have thought I'd be able to see these people as frequently as I do? How did I get so blessed to be able to move 3,000 miles away and see most, if not all of my closest friends - some of them even multiple times!

Thank god.

On another note, my time in the Bay Area is rapidly dwindling. I don't think I've truly allowed myself to think about the fact that home will never really be home again. Never again will my parents live on the same street, my brother and I be home for anything other than holidays, my dog be readily available by my side like the loyal and wonderful companion he is. I feel that I have so much to do and so little time to do it in before I leave for who knows how long? As thrilled and excited as I am for New York, I think my goodbyes at the end of December will be as emotionally loaded as they were when I first left for college. I know that time heals everything, and eventually, like it was in Vermont, living in New York will be such a norm that I won't really get homesick. It's just now, while I am unsure of what New York will look like for me, that I'm fully aware of my surroundings and what won't be accessible for me anymore. I wish I could have more time to watch Sammy get smarter and bigger, to be there for Cody through his old age, to help my mom with what will be a tedious and emotional process next spring, and to just always have access to the things and people and places I love here.

I can feel the lump in my throat starting to bulge when I think about all this, but I let it subside. That last day, that day I hop on the plane with my belongings and wave goodbye, will be the time to feel bittersweet and nostalgic and emotional and excited. For now, I still have two months and I plan to damn well enjoy this beautiful Bay Area.

the world is getting smaller...

I think we all know that the older we get, the faster time flies. School years seem shorter, weekends seem almost non-existent, and committing to something for a year or two seems like no big deal.

In addition to the shrinking of time though, I'm finding that the world - or even just this country - is getting smaller as well. Before I moved to Vermont, the east coast was a far-away, untouched wonder for me - a land I was unfamiliar with and in which I knew almost nobody. After moving to Burlington, I really experienced the bi-coastal lifestyle - flying home for Thanksgiving was too much work, flying home for Christmas was expensive and an all-day ordeal, and no matter which coast I was on, I was always three hours ahead or behind of loved ones I wanted to call.

Over the last five years though, the country that lies between San Francisco and Burlington has magically shrunk, leaving me with too many "it's a small world" stories. Burlington, the little town I've come to love has both imported and exported people from the very area I grew up in 3,000 miles away. Somehow, us "bay area" people tended to flock toward each other at house parties, bars, coffee shops and more. I would see people with Amoeba music store shirts and shout to them from across the street. I would spot California license plates from several blocks away. I would get overly enthusiastic when I met someone from Berkeley in an English class. Somehow, being from "soooo far away" made it that much more magical to meet fellow NorCal-ers, even though I imagine everyone meets people from their hometown in Burlington.

Moving home this past summer though, I really felt that distance all over again - but not for long. With pretty much all of my high school friends spread out everywhere but Marin, life has been much quieter here. Nick and I spend the weeks coming home from work to make dinner, watch a little TV, and fall asleep early. On the weekends, we go into the city to meet up with Risa and Ben and although the four of us have a blast together, I find myself constantly thinking about my friends who are living together in Chicago, New York City, Burlington, and more.

This past weekend however, I couldn't help but laugh at the sudden onslaught of Burlington-ness that was brought upon Risa and myself. San Francisco hosted a giant, free, awesome bluegrass festival from Friday morning until Sunday night. There were several people I tried to meet up with who were all from Burlington but did not know each other and were all there for different reasons with different people. Unfortunately, the festival grounds were packed and chaotic and I was not able to meet up with any of said friends that day. "Of course," I thought. "It's just too unlikely." Sunday however, Ben, Risa, Julien, and I found a nice spot on the lawn for the Galactic show (Nick had to work). Fast forward one hour, after lots of calling and texting and searching, we soon had a solid Vermont crew! I found my friend Ari who went to UVM and just moved out here last year with her freshman year roommate. I also found our friend Kate Healy who worked at Halvorson's and just moved to Tahoe and came to SF for the festival. Risa found her friend Katie Foreman from UVM who was in town visiting her sister. I mean, how ridiculous that we should all meet up 3,000 miles away from the place where we all met and all be there for different reasons.

Sitting on that lawn, Ari and Kate both separately told me how sad they were that I was moving back to the east coast so soon when they had just made the big move out here. For a minute, I felt the overwhelming weight of what I am leaving behind. The thing is though, I'm always leaving something behind. I have two lives; one on the west coast and one on the east coast. I can't let myself get sad about the things I'm missing out on because there is just no solution to the fact that there is a massive spread of land between the two places I wish I could be simultaneously located in. Yet, the little Vermont crew that we formed this weekend in Golden Gate Park just helped remind me that there is goodness to be found wherever you go and that truly, it is a small world if you want it to be. It's always better to view your life as a glass that's half-full rather than half-empty. I'm laughing at myself but all this reminded me of a line from Sex and the City, so I went and looked it up:

"After all, things change. So do cities. People come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart...and if you're very lucky, a plane ride away."

Who knows which coast I'll end up on after grad school, or even if I'll end up somewhere in between. All I know is that I feel blessed with my options and the people who are a part of each of those options.

home.

Alas, we have made it.

Last time I checked in, I was in Vail, CO, for the first night of two. That night, Monique and her roommates got a keg and we got to meet all of her friends, who were all so cool and fun to hang out with. The next day, Emily went snowboarding with her friend Doug while Monique, her friends Liz and Brian, her boyfriend Jess and I decided to go for an outdoor excursion. Jess threw a bunch of cushions in the back of his pickup truck and drove us all around a little mountain top while we bounced around in back. Sounds fun, right? It was...at first. Jess, quite the adventurer, was driving us up and down extremely steep and loose trails to the point where the three girls in the truck bed were screaming for their lives and basically squatting so we could move to the different corners depending on which angle the truck was leaning. I kid you not, there were at least three times I thought the truck would legitimately flip over. On the way back down, we banged on the window right before the steep parts and insisted that we get out and walk. Despite all the chaos though, it was absolutely stunning out there. Colorado really is such an amazing place and I really hope to spend more time there.

At 6 a.m. the next morning, Emily and I hit the road to drive to Vegas, about an 11 hour drive. Oy. Exiting Colorado was simply gorgeous as we drove through deep canyons and alongside winding rivers. Everything was green and shimmering, especially with the morning sun slowly on the rise. At the time, I thought it had been the prettiest part of our drive since we left Vermont, but nothing could have prepared me for Utah. You can look at all the pictures and video clips you want but driving through the state of Utah is one of the most unique and stunningly gorgeous experiences you could have in this country, I think. The whole time I couldn't help but think of a clip I read in the beginning of the book "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance," all about how when you drive in a car, your voyeurism experience is basically the same as watching TV. Riding on a motorcycle, however, really puts you in your element and connects you with what you see around you. I definitely wished I had been on a motorcycle of some sort in Utah. The land is all shades or red, orange and brown, and has the craziest cuts and jags. Instead of gradual mountains rising from the earth, Utah consists of sudden walls of rock that seem to grow sporadically and randomly, and it is easy to see how the whole state used to be a giant lake bed. I had been to Utah twice before to hike Arches National Park and Zion National Park. I remember appreciating the experiences enough but now I want nothing more than to get back out there and hike it all over again with a fresh memory and a new conscious.

Anywayyyyyyy. I digress. Emily and I got to Las Vegas in the early evening and couldn't help but laugh, not only at how disgustingly hot it was there (about 100 degrees), but also at the absurdity of this excessive and flashy city which stands alone in the middle of the desert. We had a nice evening (one that didn't match most people's idea of a night out in Vegas). We met Emily's sister, Julia, for dinner, and then after she left, we met Emily's friend from camp, Zach. We had one drink with him at the Bellagio at a little bar that overlooked the water show. Seeing as how that ONE drink cost $14, we quickly decided to change location. Zach took us to a place called 4 Queens which was away from the main part of the strip: still flashy in Vegas style, but not crowded or ridiculously expensive. There was a giant light show in this half indoor, half outdoor arena and we stood around drinking out of a bottle of champagne. Then we went to a cheap casino across the street from our hotel called "Slots A Fun." Whoooo! I was tired and not feeling too hot so I played a few slots but then just ended up watching Emily play Roulette. We headed back to the hotel room afterward and actually paid $14 to watch "Confessions of a Shopaholic." What a waste. But OH MY, those beds were so comfy I actually started giggling when I crawled in. That was the best night of sleep I got in awhile.

Friday, we drove to L.A. and got to Abby's house around 7.30. I couldn't believe we had made it to California. Even though we were still eight hours away from my house, Emily and I had made it through twelve states in about twelve days. Emily kept saying, "I'm in California!" and while I couldn't believe it myself, I kept having to remind her how different L.A. and San Francisco are! We spent Saturday on Main St. where Abby works (her store, Agabhumi, is AMAZING) and walked around the Venice Beach boardwalk (hellooo henna tattoos). We spent a few hours on the beach and then headed back to Abby's where Emily and I decided to make the two hour drive to Santa Barbara to spend time with Taylor and his girlfriend, Aya. We were tired and didn't feel like going out in L.A. again, not to mention, I can't remember the last time I got to hang out with my brother without a family function being involved.

Sunday, we drove to my house.

It's been a fascinating two weeks filled with nostalgia, adventure, confusion, and excitement. Now, here I am, showing Emily the place where I grew up and getting ready to start my summer job and just relax for awhile. I'm ready to walk away from the Burlington bars and the general lack of responsibility that I felt like I was able to get away with this past year. Yes, I had a job, and no, I wasn't partying every minute of every day, but I was anxious and maybe bored in a way and just felt the need to constantly be with all my friends or chilling at the bar. Whatever it was, I'm appreciating this breath of fresh air and falling asleep at midnight and waking up at 8 or 9 and enjoying the whole day slowly. When work starts next week, I'll appreciate having busier hours and then coming home to read and fall asleep or whatnot. This is my chance to clear my mind and get healthier and get into my routine before I have another two years of hard, hard work.

Ok, time to watch a movie. Ta ta.

four days in.

I am four days into this wonderful trip home and so far, it has been terrific.

It is cold and rainy here, but only a Vermonter like me could appreciate actually how "warm" it is here! Nick and I both got new phones this week and decided to send each other pictures; me so I could show him my new haircut, and him because he got an iPhone and just wanted to play with it. I laughed after the picture exchange though, because in my picture I was wearing a short sleeved shirt, and in his picture, he was wearing a hat and his winter coat. Yes, I am a long ways away from the East Coast snow.

Sunday night, I went to San Bruno to spend the night with Megan. I was disappointed at first because I wanted to see all her friends as much as I wanted to see her but all of them except for Caitlin weren't able to make it. In hindsight though, the night went perfectly. Spending quality time with Caitlin and Richard, but especially with Megan was the most important thing. We all got happy drunk and talked and laughed for hours. Megan finally showed me her wedding dress and she looks absolutely stunning in it. I have been excited for this wedding for quite some time but finally seeing the dress and being able to finally start visualizing June 13th has made me all the more amped! I just love weddings, but seeing how this one is for my best friend, let's just say it's going to be a phenomenal day.

On Monday night, Mom and John invited over Sarah, Derek, and Kevin, and much to my pleasure, Keeley and Dylan decided to stop by too. It is nights like these when I realize how lucky I am to be surrounded by people who are so warm and comfortable to be around. Renee, our new housemate, joined us for dinner and participated in the dinner chatter. Having housemates was an unusual living situation while I was growing up but I think it has really set an example for me in terms of seeing how people can be brought together to build friendships. I also feel blessed by how welcoming the people in my life are - Zoe came by for the tail-end of the night and was by no means a stranger or an outsider. Everyone was inclusive and so much fun to talk with. It is the stuff of great family dinners. It's also nice to be reminded from time to time that even though my immediate family unit consists of Mom, John, Taylor, Dad, Maria, and little Sammy, my experience of "family" goes way beyond just those six people, and for that, I am truly grateful.

And then last night happened. I am still laughing to myself just thinking about it. Nicky, Zoe, and I grabbed dinner at Pancho Villa's, headed back to Nicky's house to wait for Dave, and then the four us headed over to Marin Brewing Company. We knew we would be seeing a lot of people but we could not have expected the random, hilarious, and pleasing run-ins we would have. While I saw the few friends from M.A. who I was prepared to meet up with, I was NOT prepared to run into people I literally haven't seen in thirteen years! I recognized this boy named Brent from my third-grade class but didn't plan on saying hi because I was amazed that I even was able to recognize him in passing. Lo and behold though, he recognized me too and we had a great laugh over how the last time we saw each other we were playing kickball on the playground and now here we were, drinking alcohol at a bar. I also ran into Christine, my best friend from middle school, which was such a treat. We were literally inseparable for four years but really lost touch since I went to M.A. and she went to Redwood. We totally embraced each other and talked about our life plans and asked how our families were doing. We're hoping to have lunch this weekend before I leave, and I hope it works out.

Now it's Christmas Eve, and the festivities are slowly sneaking in. Mom is wrapping presents, all the Christmas lights are on, it's warm and cozy inside the house. Tonight, Tay and I will have dinner at Pop's house then go to church and sing carols. Tomorrow, we'll have breakfast and open presents, and then Mom's family will come for dinner.

I hope the rest of this week is as fabulous as the last four days have been. Merry Christmas!